Originally published online April 29, 2021 & in the collection Photographic Memories: 7even— available here
Ambivalence by Melodie Yvonne
I don’t wanna die, but I don’t wanna live I’m so fucking tired I’ve got nothin’ to give I just want it over, just want it to end I’m breakin’ ’cause I got no room left to bend
I’m tired of pretendin’ ’bout all I got left When all that I am is a giant fucking mess I wanna go hide, but I wanna confess I wanna die, but God’s still playin’ chess
I want it to end, but don’t know how to quit Even though I just screw up & turn it to shit I wanna remember, but wanna forget I just wanna know what the fuck all this is
I wanna just lie down and blow my brain up But I’d just fucking miss and I’d fuck it all up I just wanna give up, I wanna give in But I don’t wanna die, I just don’t wanna live
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Feb 13, 2017 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
Photographic Malady by Melodie Yvonne
The length of three songs. It’s like a heartbeat in time, but it passes in slow motion. The band charges onto the stage, and begins to gain speed as my eyes dart back and forth inside my eye piece. Time crawls slowly like a train holding up traffic, but in the end it was really not even close to long enough to drink in the scene and digest. There’s a whispering behind my eyes all the while as I work creating a rhythm to my madness. It engulfs my mind and body until I succumb. Shoot, edit, repeat. Shoot, edit, repeat.
Shoot. Edit. Repeat.
It’s a kind of preternatural chanting that hangs heavy, and smears through the air painting a grin across my face. The incantation rises up to the stage with the heat of my desire, and melts itself to the melodies pouring out to the crowd.
I take my eyes outta the lens, and set them back in the real world. I pray that I managed to capture at least one soul to later feed my addiction. I eclipse my face once again with my photographic guise, and scan the crowd with an insatiable hunger that overrides my fears. The three songs might be over, but the night is still young, and the crowd is particularly spirited tonight. Plenty of time. Plenty of room in my bottomless pit of a heart… Shoot, edit, repeat… Shoot, edit, repeat… Shoot. Addict. Repeat…
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Feb 18, 2021 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
Ode to The Beginning of The End by Melodie Yvonne
Am I too far gone to make it, too late to be saved? Will I ever feel what stable’s like? All these places that I run just tryin’ to escape Detroit, the coast, New York’s the same alike
This acrid doom it follows me most everywhere I go And I’m just lookin’ for a friendly hand How much further I can go is anybody’s guess I’m tryin’ and doin’ the fucking best I can
I heard salvation‘s hidin’ in the eye of this here storm But my red eyes are swallowed up by hate This cruel ass world has swallowed almost everything I love And I’m about to self disintegrate
I’m trying to go for one last Savior, one last fucking dream One last motherfucking piece of pie And if this time this shit don’t work and I just can’t get out I hope at least that I can fucking die
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online March 15, 2017 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
Stumbling Up The Mountain by Melodie Yvonne
I find it amazing how some people can affect us in such fundamental ways in the blink of an eye, while others can be in our lives our entire existence like that of a sturdy mountainside that blocks your view of the sun, but can never quite keep you from growing.
I met a boy. One of the most beautiful boys I’ve ever met… And I didn’t know it. Later I found out why I couldn’t see how wonderful he was. It was because I realized looking at him was like looking at a reflection of myself, and at that time I just didn’t like myself that much. By the time I realized I had fallen it was too late, and I left him at the top of the hill while I ran away, stumbling back to that mountain for cover.
It’s hard to tell how long I’ll be able to stay here in its shadow. I’m like the Trans Am that you buy for fun, but you really just can’t get up those mountain roads without that Toyota 4Runner, and that’s something I’m never going to be.
So it’s funny how some people can affect you so much. Some people stay in our lives for decades, and then some are so much more… Some can change the entire structure of your being in a two-hour car ride, and nothing will ever be the same.
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Feb 18, 2021 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
Cold Concrete Cage by Melodie Yvonne
Sittin’ here listenin’ to industrial crickets Folks walkin’ ‘round like they’re lost on a mission And I never wanted to be stuck here this way But here I sit, here I live, here I just stay
Factory made melodies lull us to sleep And anti-emotion pills hide what we keep But what I keep doesn’t need hid every day But here I sit, here I live, here I just stay
And again I hear humming of industrial crickets Lost souls all around me just gettin’ their fixes Use and repeat at least twice a day To get through this shift in the least feeling way
Top level merchandise buys out our souls And we keep right on grindin’ just tryin’ to fill holes Subconscious bribery “does us a favor” And we just sit numbly wishing for a Savior
I just keep prayin’ for God to set me free I can’t do this again, why won’t He just kill me? I’m tryin’ to be good, but it feels so alone Don’t make me live in this cold concrete home
It’s past twenty years now, and I’m still here grindin’ Don’t even think no more just obey blindly Fuck. My life’s gone now, and soon it’s my soul This industrial nightmare is swallowing me whole
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Feb 18, 2021 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
Old Town Shuffle by Melodie Yvonne
Everything’s real quiet as we sit in the car We’re a little down the road, but not very far How long this’ll take really nobody knows Right now a pin drop’d make canyon echoes
Then all of the sudden Ike jumps in the car screamin’ “Drive! Motherfucking drive! It’s the motherfucking law!” “What the fuck?!?! I can’t go! What about Susie?!?!“ “They done got her ass! Now we gotta move, babe!”
We lurch on the road, headlights slicin’ the dark I point the car north, gonna slide by our mark It’s 20 and windin’ on 7 through old town I slink through real slow tryin’ to see what the fuck’s down
I snake ‘round the curve, red and blue lights the sky I’m paranoid as fuck ‘cause I’m guilty and high Just a matter of time ‘fore those pigs come and get me ‘Cause I’m that dumb bitches number one enemy
But wouldn’t you know, I got me some luck I guess it’s a good thing that whore likes to suck She’s been spreading those beef curtains all around town And I guess there’s a line to take that dumb bitch down
So I done got there late and didn’t take a number And I mighta set fire to that skanky ass dumpster But even the cops thought that bitch was pathetic And everyone ‘round town was taken the credit
Well, what could I do besides let ‘em all have it? I been there and done that, survival takes practice And the only thing better than gettin’ revenge Is stayin’ squeaky fuckin’ clean in the end
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Feb 18, 2021 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
Just Another Night aka Hey! I Hung Out With You At That House On State Street by Melodie Yvonne
I’m the only one that’s sober once again tonight I just want a bit of quiet, not another fight ‘Cause all this shit just gets real old every fucking day I’d take my baby girl and leave, but ‘cause of her I’m stayin’
I’m tryin’ to whitewash all the bullshit stained onto these walls If I don’t hold my shit together we’re all gonna fall But everywhere I go it seems I’m just a piece of meat Don’t wanna stay, but got no place to go if I could even leave
It’s just another night of takin’ care of drunks I guess It’s just another night that my whole life‘s a fucking mess It’s just another night that some dude knocks me to the floor While everybody in the room just watches and giggles for more
“Teddy, you don’t wanna do this. ‘Member I’m your friend.“ I know I gotta stay calm, but this fucker’s got me pinned “Teddy, please don’t do this, buddy, please just let me go.” Fuck, I know I gotta stay calm, but this shit is gettin’ old
I’m beggin’ and I’m pleadin’ and I’m tryin’ to talk him down But he just says he loves me as he grinds into the ground The laughin‘s gettin’ louder and it echoes all around Why the fuck is no one helpin’ me? I try to block the sounds
“Teddy, please don’t do this, buddy, please just let me go.“ He’s really not a bad guy, but that vodka’s got his soul “Teddy, please, you’re scaring me.” Fuck, now I’m gonna cry Oh wait! That tears got his attention there’s some life back in his eyes
He shakes his head and slowly blinks and then he blinks again Oh good! I think he’s comin’ to, I think this bullshit’s gonna end He loosens up his grip and finally, slowly sets me free I get up, dust myself back off, and then I start to clean
I really just don’t wanna stay, but don’t know how to leave I put the table back, pick up the glass, and mend a sleeve It’s just another night that my whole life’s a fucking mess But you’re not supposed to walk away from family I guess
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Feb 12, 2021 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
Just got a new house, but we’re playing pretend Somehow we don’t know it, don’t know it’ll end But Merlin’s been supplyin’ to our southern kin And I told them to not let those fucking people in
It’s just been 3 months, but the walls bleed our sins It’s suckin’ our souls like we’re stuck in quicksand But somehow this shit storm’s about to get worse We’ve been teasin’ the devil and he’s ‘bout to quench his thirst
Broke glass rips the night like a banshee in heat Didn’t think a shotgun & my face’d ever meet “Get down on the ground!“ cuts through me like a knife Didn’t think I would die on a night like tonight
I shut my eyes super tight ‘til there’s nothin’ but dark Now I’m prayin’ somehow that this gun play don’t start Just prayin’ and prayin’ they’ll at least end it easy Just kill me real quick, but at least save the baby
They duct tape us real tight so we won’t get away Because I’m “with child” they give me some sway But somethin’ about that tone in his voice Told me real fuckin’ quick he wasn’t just bein’ nice
“The drugs and the money is what we are after!” I said “I got money,” but they answered with laughter “Gerald Lee, go on & look in the freezer,” “We won’t hurt you, lil lady. We’re their fuckin’ reapers.”
Then just like that as quick as it started A few empty threats and then they departed And nothin’ was left in that after math of violence ‘Cept the ripping of duct tape through deafening silence
It really is true, those goblins’ll get ya If you keep on smitin’ the hand that begets you You wait & you watch & you look for the signs But we don’t really want ‘em when we’re toin’ the line
All we can feel is the jones of an addict We barely got out, but we just need some practice “Next time we’ll be ready, and draw our guns first,” “No more fuckin’ around. They’ll go home in a hearse…”
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Feb 12, 2021 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
A Reprieve by Melodie Yvonne
Time for us to take another little trip down south We gotta take a trip to get to trip We’re making damn good time and we should get there ‘fore we’re down There’s something freein’ ‘bout this big long stretch
Lucy ‘s ridin’ shotgun and it’s getting kinda late But I’m pretty sure we’ll get there for the morn’ We done crossed the border and we’re almost to Mobile But this time we’re not stoppin’ ‘til the Shores
The air is cool, but warm enough to take the T-tops out The Gulf fog’s swallowin’ up the road ahead Nights like these are pretty fuckin’ rare anymore The nights that I forget I’m almost dead
I slide my hand just out the window tryin’ to touch the clouds My fingertips are surfin’ on the breeze The Pixies slidin’ in my ear have got me feelin’ fine Their Wave of Mutilation sets me free
I could live here just like this for every second left Bubble up this moment and be done Pump the Volume on the sound and leave the world behind Until my shadows and my light are one
I could live here just like this and never a regret Never think about the things I lost I could live here just like this and leave the world behind Just me and Lucy and this Gulf Shores fog
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
Originally published online Dec 10, 2020 & in the collection I Do Heroin On The Train Line So You Don’t Have To: A Hitchhiker’s Guide To My Galaxie— available here
The Lion’s Den Sprint by Melodie Yvonne
80 down a back road way out in BFE We’re goin’ awful fast for never gonna leave The headlights stab the black air as we travel down the road Tryin’ to make it to the highway ‘fore the soberness takes hold
The pigs are stakin’ out the sides, but we’re one step ahead ‘Cause we don’t wanna go to jail, but don’t care if we’re dead Tree skeletons engulf us as they fly by dirty windows This ole back road’s full of evil, but there’s always room for more ghosts
Ole Smoky’s gainin’ on us, but our luck’s still holding out Like the government holds water when the nations in a drought Just a few more hills and hairpin turns are comin’ up ahead And that pig might still be gainin’, but we don’t care if we’re dead
The road might curve before us, but our speed straightens it out And we’ve lost that fucking porker for a second of his doubt We lock it up and slide into a driveway on the right Kill the car and hunker down and watch that fuckin’ pig fly by
We slither back on 250 fixin’ to ramble on We’re pretty sure the coast is clear, but don’t care if he’s gone ‘Cause we still got that mission waitin’ for us up ahead… We’re both almost fucking sober and we’d both rather be dead
Copyright notice: All content on this site (music, words, photos, videos) is copyright Melodie Yvonne. Non-profit online sharing is allowed only if content is unaltered and credit is given. Commercial use or unauthorized alteration is prohibited. Questions? Contact Melodie HERE
