Poetry by Melodie Yvonne

Originally published online April 29, 2021 & in the collection Photographic Memories: 7even — available here

Ambivalence by Melodie Yvonne

I don’t wanna die, but I don’t wanna live
I’m so fucking tired I’ve got nothin’ to give
I just want it over, just want it to end
I’m breakin’ ’cause I got no room left to bend

I’m tired of pretendin’ ’bout all I got left
When all that I am is a giant fucking mess
I wanna go hide, but I wanna confess
I wanna die, but God’s still playin’ chess

I want it to end, but don’t know how to quit
Even though I just screw up & turn it to shit
I wanna remember, but wanna forget
I just wanna know what the fuck all this is

I wanna just lie down and blow my brain up
But I’d just fucking miss and I’d fuck it all up
I just wanna give up, I wanna give in
But I don’t wanna die, I just don’t wanna live

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